Can I Change Who I Am?

Can we change our Personality?

Historically psychologists believed that major personality makeovers were as rare as finding a unicorn in your backyard. But guess what? Turns out, change is not only possible, but also totally doable. We're talking about tweaking those little habits, those quirky peculiarities we all have, until we become the heroes and heroines of our own narratives.



So, forget what you've heard about being stuck with your personality like it's some kind of genetic tattoo. Positive psychologists have been digging deep into the treasure trove of human potential and uncovering some seriously interesting stuff. They've identified 24 character strengths—like integrity, loyalty, kindness—and they're learning that these qualities aren't just reserved for the chosen few. Nope, they're traits and habits that anyone can learn and develop, like mastering a new dance move or perfecting your avocado toast recipe.

With this in mind we may be able go from being the introverted wall flower at the party, to the one swinging from the chandelier; the geeky rejected kid at school that becomes the CEO of an international corporation; we might grow from what we felt ashamed of being – into living the type of life we value most. Consider personality change to be like upgrading your operating system. It will take time and effort, but eventually you'll be running on a whole new level. 

Some personality traits are easier to develop than others. Interestingly, psychology tells us that to develop more joy and passion in our life, we need to ensure we have feelings of sadness, anxiety, and fear at times. For example, it’s by experiencing sadness that we realise and develop gratitude for the wonders of joyful moments. We need comparisons so we can appreciate and be grateful for the positives we experience in life. 

Making Changes

Of course we all have some predisposed biological factors that are wired in, but some transformative change is possible if we apply ourselves to the task and develop new habits and thinking. (Those lacking patience need not apply.) For example, although you may be aware that you’ve spent your life as an introvert, if you act and behave in ways that mimic an extravert, this new behaviour can become routine for you over time. You may even start to get comfortable with it, and the more comfortable you get, the more you’ll be encouraged to do more. Strictly speaking you may not now be an “extrovert” – but if you’re behaving like one, other people think you’re one, and you feel good about it – I think we can call that success! There really is truth in “Fake it until you make it”!



Planning Your Future

To change who you are you need to know who you want to be. This is where we start the process.  Imagine the future you want to have. Plan out how you are going to get from where you are now – to where you want to be. Detail the steps, research where you need to. The more specifics you have, the more you are focusing on achievement, and the more chance you have of success. Make sure you incorporate small steps. Don’t expect to go from desperate and dateless to Don Juan with just a couple of actions. You need logical, specific, reasonable and appropriate small steps that will result in your desired outcome. As each of these little steps are achieved, you build positivity, optimism, and enthusiasm for the next step. With a road map in front of you, you are developing a mindset to reach your goal.

Being Passionate

It’s also necessary that you are passionate about who you want to be. Take time to identify your values, what’s important to you and how you want to show up in this world. If the passion is there, if you burn to become something more, the more you’ll become absorbed by it and develop the skills and mastery to make positive change. 

Maybe the change that you are passionate about is the thing that scares you the most. But it will also be the thing that you find most fulfilling in life. It's all about flexing those courage muscles, despite how scared you might feel along the way. You don’t have to aim to be the Prime Minister or find a cure for cancer. It can be something on a much smaller scale that gives you that feeling of success and pride in yourself. 

Developing Your Optimism

Do you ever spend time with an optimist and wonder how they do it? Do you wish you could be just like them – positive and enthused, even when faced with adversity and loss?  Studies have shown that optimism can be learned. It’s a cognitive habit we can develop. And that’s a very good idea because research also shows that those with optimism have better relationships, are healthier, have more fulfilling careers and a greater sense of contentment with life. 

Developing optimism isn’t about just pretending to be happy and cheerful, or repeating positive mantras. It’s about action. Those who experience optimism put their minds to activities that lead them towards their goals. They take action and are persistent in moving forward in life with a clear focus on their future. They don’t give up. When challenges arise, they find ways around them, through them and over them! It’s about turning a belief into a “knowing” that your life can be what you want. 



It’s also important in developing optimism to recognise your achievements and the wins you have along the way. A pessimist will disregard any successes and focus only on the negatives and difficulties involved in achieving their goals. And as we all know – whatever you focus on gets BIGGER! By focusing on the positives we are training ourselves to achieve more.

In The End:

So … yes – we can change who we are. We first need to be clear and passionate about our goal and understand why we’re doing it.  We can then make a detailed plan, develop optimism, and apply ourselves to the task, and be persistent in building new habits. It might be hard work, but the worthwhile things in life usually are. When it comes down to it, life's too short to stay stuck in the same old story, or in wanting positive change. So go ahead, take a deep breath, spread your wings, and let yourself soar. Who knows what magical adventures await?

Life is short. Live it well.

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