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How Does Loneliness Affect Our Emotions?

Beverley Stewart • November 5, 2023

How Does Loneliness Affect Our Emotions?

Loneliness can have a significant impact on our range of emotions. Like an invisible cloak, it can slowly suffocate the vibrancy of our minds and hearts. It causes a persistent ache, an emotional burden that echoes through the corridors of our thoughts, casting shadows on our mental wellbeing. With every passing day of isolation, it chips away at our resilience, wraps us in despair, and weaves a web of self-doubt that clouds the once clear skies of our minds. It delivers a storm of emotions – sadness, anger, emptiness, and a relentless longing for the warmth of human connection. Here we look at some of the ways this loneliness plays with our minds.



Emotional Distress - The Rollercoaster


Loneliness often brings about a range of negative emotions, including sadness, depression, anxiety, and a sense of emptiness. These emotional burdens can be overwhelming. When loneliness is prolonged, it can contribute to the development, or aggravation, of mental health conditions. Here are some ways in which loneliness affects emotions.



(1) Sadness: Loneliness is often accompanied by a deep sense of sadness. Feeling isolated and disconnected from others can lead to a pervasive feeling of unhappiness. Feeling gloomy and miserable everyday becomes tiresome. Sadness can be numbing and it affects our vitality and motivation to engage with others.




(2) Depression: Prolonged loneliness is a known risk factor for depression. The emotional distress and feelings of hopelessness associated with loneliness can contribute to the development of depressive symptoms.



(3) Anxiety: Loneliness can also lead to anxiety, particularly social anxiety. When we experience loneliness, we can become anxious about engaging in social interactions, and we might worry about being rejected or judged by others. The more anxious we get, the more we don’t engage, and the more lonely we feel.



 


(4) Irritability: Loneliness can make us more irritable and prone to mood swings. This causes emotion dysregulation where our emotions fluctuate rapidly and unpredictably. Outbursts of anger, withdrawal, or impulsive emotional reactions can create interpersonal conflicts and lead to further loneliness. But suppressing our emotions is also problematic - no wonder we get irritable.

(5) Irritability: Loneliness can make us more irritable and prone to mood swings. This causes emotion dysregulation where our emotions fluctuate rapidly and unpredictably. Outbursts of anger, withdrawal, or impulsive emotional reactions can create interpersonal conflicts and lead to further loneliness. But suppressing our emotions is also problematic - no wonder we get irritable.



(6) Emptiness: Loneliness often brings about a sense of emptiness, a feeling that something vital is missing from their lives. This emptiness can be emotionally distressing as we come to realise, we have nothing to fill the vacuum that exists inside us. Sometimes we might try to fill this void with things that make the problem worse, for example drugs or alcohol. But nothing is ever enough. You just can’t fill the whole.


(6) Anger: Sometimes we may experience feelings of anger or resentment.  This anger can be turned outward, or inward. For example, we might believe that our loneliness is due to external factors – others rejecting us due to their own character flaws, hidden agendas, or simply meanness. Alternately we may be angry at ourselves for being in this situation and not having the skills or likeability to maintain human relationships.



(7) Despair: Chronic loneliness can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness. We may struggle to see a way out of our emotional suffering.  A lack of hope can feel to some like a dark cloud that engulfs us, to others it may be a heavy weight that we must carry. 

(8) Longing: Loneliness is often accompanied by a strong sense of longing for companionship and connection. This longing can be emotionally intense and painful, especially if hope is absent. To crave something that we feel is beyond us, is crushing.

(9) Low Self-Esteem: Loneliness can erode self-esteem, leading us to question our self-worth and our value in the eyes of others. The worse we feel about ourselves, the more likely we will maintain our distance from those that we need to feel better.



(10) Guilt: We may feel guilty about our loneliness, believing that we are somehow responsible for our isolation.  We see others having fulfilling relationships so often blame ourselves for not being able to connect with others.  There is something wrong with us, and we are at fault.

(11) Shame: If we are to blame for our loneliness, then we feel shame.  We hide our loneliness rather than reaching out for help because the shame it could bring feels insufferable.  Better to be lonely than for others to know we have brought this upon ourselves.



(13) Fear: What if this never ends?  What will happen to me?  The fear of being lonely for all our lives can fill us with dread.  We might be afraid of dying alone, without the acknowledgement, respect and caring of others. Loneliness is the ultimate fear – a final punishment for a life hardly lived.


In The End


Loneliness is a deeply distressing part of life that can affect anyone. It toys with our emotions, affects our ability to think clearly, destroys our sense of who we are, and it can overwhelm us with feelings of failure. Yet, in the midst of this emotional storm, there is a beacon of hope. It’s the understanding that, even in the depths of loneliness, we are not alone in our struggles. Millions of us are lonely. 


We need to remember that the human spirit has an extraordinary capacity to heal, to connect, and to rediscover its strength. Reaching out, seeking support, and embracing the empathy of others can slowly dismantle the walls that loneliness has built around our mental health. In the face of loneliness, we can find the resilience to restore our emotional well-being, one step at a time. With compassion, understanding, and the power of human connection, we can mend the fractures in our hearts and minds, and bring back hope and vitality to our inner world.


To find out more about Loneliness Counselling click here, or go to Contact Page to make an enquiry. 

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