(1) It’s been a tough year
You’ve struggled with many things. There have been downs and very few ups. You’ve reached Christmas again … but you might wonder what next? It’s hard to get into the Christmas spirit when you’ve been feeling down for so long and nothing has gone your way. It may even make you angry to see all these happy people around. You might be feeling frustrated because you just can’t find you’re “happy”.
(2) A Time of Grief
Maybe you’ve lost someone this year. Having a Christmas without someone you love can be soul destroying. Emptiness and sorrow may surround you, but all you want around you - is the person you’re missing. Christmas can be such a difficult time for those who are grieving. You might recall previous Christmas’s you spent together and now feel lost.
(3) It's Not Safe
You don’t feel safe in your home. The situation you’re in is difficult. You feel like you’re walking a tightrope every day. And you keep it all secret. Being in a toxic relationship can be unbelievably hard at times, but at Christmas we might worry about it getting worse. Perhaps you’re spending more time together, or maybe it’s a time when you’re partner drinks more. Whatever Christmas brings, it can sometimes also bring out the worst in those we live with.
(4) Money Money Money
If you’ve been struggling financially, Christmas can send you into a panic. There is the pressure of buying gifts while still having to pay the bills. The kids want everything, and you want to give them everything – but it’s just not possible. The piggy bank is empty. There are parties, social events, dinners … and no cash for that new party dress. Not to mention how much it costs to make Christmas lunch? And what about a family holiday? The cost of living crisis doesn’t let up at Christmas time unfortunately.
(5) Nature against you
‘Tis also the season of flood and fire. This time of year, some of us (or those we love) may be affected by natural disasters. Some may have earlier gone through the trauma of losing their home, possessions, pets or loved ones - and now Christmas brings it all back. We all have an expectation of what our Christmas will be, but nature can drastically change that. It can bring us pain, disbelief, sorrow, and devastating loss.
(6) Working Hard
Not everyone gets time off at Christmas. It’s tough when you don’t get to spend time with those you love during the Christmas period. It can feel like you’re on a hamster wheel. You want to stop for air, but you have obligations, commitments, money problems, or a boss that just doesn’t get it.
(7) In Need of Repairs
If our health isn’t the best right now, Christmas can feel like an added weight on top of us. Christmas usually demands a degree of energy and vitality which we may be lacking when our health is impacted. Whether it’s a cold you just can’t shake, or a long term serious health issue, being unwell can make it next to impossible sometimes to enjoy the festive season. In fact, feeling unwell as we approach Christmas can fill us with anxiety about how we will cope.
(8) Alone Again
One of the hardest things about Christmas is that it can make us feel very alone. We feel left out. Those of us without friends or family close by, can feel deep and suffocating LONELINESS at this time. We see others enjoying fun times together. Everyone else seems to be connected– but we have no one. Feeling excluded makes us question ourselves. Our inner critic might constantly be finding fault with us, and convincing us that we are to blame for our loneliness. Being alone at Christmas makes us question whether anyone cares about us, and whether there is any point to us being here.
(9) Focused on the World
Maybe we’re feeling overwhelmed with world events right now and can’t focus on the Christmas festivities. There are so many things to worry about – there are wars, floods, fires, famines, poverty, accidents, terrorists, murderers, dubious politicians, viruses, pollution ….. it never ends. Being concerned about what’s happening with the world can be so absorbing that we lose track of the things around us – the things we should be grateful for. We may become alienated from friends and family who don’t understand the intensity of our concerns. We can end up not only endlessly worrying about the world, but we can also become distant from those we love.
(10) Social Media Madness
Yes, social media can help us connect with family and friends. Maybe it can even help us build new relationships. Unfortunately, social media also adversely affects our SELF ESTEEM. This can be especially so at Christmas time. We are bombarded with happy snaps of people having the time of their lives! Everyone is happy, enjoying extravagant celebrations, looking like Hollywood stars as they engage in fun, romance, and riches. This all makes us feel a little bit …. less. We compare ourselves to doctored pictures of others, with their false and misleading perfect lives, and we criticize ourselves for falling short. We just don’t measure up to what is projected on our tiny screens.
(11) Seasonal Stress
Yes – Christmas can be the busiest and most demanding time of the year for some of us. It can feel like we’re being pulled in numerous directions all at once! There are increased work obligations, too many social invitations, the search for perfect presents, school events you promised to help out at, family obligations, lunches to cook, holidays to book, decorations to hang … Did anyone get the car serviced? Christmas can be chaos. With all that needs to get done – yes of course you’re STRESSED!
(12) You Can’t Choose Your Family
For some, Christmas means getting together with family, and for some, that can be terrifying! That strained Christmas lunch when Uncle Clem starts getting fired up over a couple of mulled wines. Nan drops her dirty tissue in the cranberry sauce, your sister has brought her latest loser boyfriend, and there’s a strong smell of wet dog in the room. Your brother can’t shut up about his ill-conceived political views, and your Mum quietly asks whether you have something nicer you could wear “sweet heart”. Maybe you just don’t get on with one particular family member. Perhaps there are issues going back to childhood that no one speaks of. What ever lies beneath the surface of this Christmas get together, we all feel anxious about being there - and can’t wait for it all to end.
All of these things can make Christmas a struggle, if not for you – for someone you know. Millions of people this year will be going through their own personal hardship. In the spirit of giving – why not give someone you know – or someone you don’t know – a better Christmas? Reach out to those around you. Check in on how they’re doing. You can make a difference in someone’s life if you just show that you care.
A great resource to help you do this is the RUOK Calendar of Connection. It gives you lots of ideas about how to give a really meaningful gift to someone – a gift that doesn’t cost anything! The calendar suggests lots of actions you can take throughout the festive season to make sure those around you are doing ok. Showing someone else that you care will also give you a little hit of feel good chemicals too – so you both get a gift!
