Are Relationship Breaks Healthy?
If your relationship has hit a point where it’s in crisis, getting some space might be helpful. But that depends on some important factors which we explore here. All relationships are different, but the following considerations may be helpful in determining whether a break might cause your relationship to continue or end.
What is a Relationship Break?
Simply put a relationship break is a planned short-term split from your partner with the idealized goal being that you both return to a more solid union. In actuality, couples may use this time to re-evaluate their relationship and determine whether a reconciliation is the best alternative, or perhaps a more permanent break would be more beneficial.
Usually, partners will live apart during the break, but due to economic realities, or the presence of children, couples may remain under the same roof. This can often prove more problematic and not allow each person to get the necessary space they need to fully reflect on the situation.
What Factors Lead to a Healthy Relationship Break?
If you’ve been thinking about taking a break from your relationship, it’s important to get some clarity on how this will happen, and what potential benefits you’re both hoping to achieve from the break. Whether the proposed break is healthy or unhealthy all depends on the following 7 important factors.
1) Mutual Agreement and Understanding
In a toxic relationship putting some space between you can be positive. The best way to do this is by establishing some boundaries at the onset, maintaining clear communication, identifying why you both want this break, and agreeing on some goals to be worked towards during your time apart. You both need to be on the same page about these things to make this process effective and successful.
It's recommended both partners sit down and work out a plan together. You’ll need to explain to each other the following:
- What will the break help you with?
- What will you both work on during your time apart?
- How will the space between you help to improve the relationship?
2) Agreed Goals
Once you’ve both agreed on taking a break, the reasons for it, and you understand each other’s perspective, you should now agree on some goals for the time apart. It can be helpful to identify your major issues within the relationship, then specify which ones you will work on during the break. These issues may be related to conflict between you, or perhaps emotional challenges you’re facing within the relationship. Identify anything that’s standing in the way of you both having the relationship you want, and agree on a goal for improving this.
3) Time Period
There is no clear data on what time period is most effective for a relationship break. It’s all about what works for you as a couple. It could be for only a couple of days, weeks or maybe a few months. The most important factor here is that you both agree on a set time period and stick to it. That way you can both plan around it, and have a set time frame to achieve the goals you have set for yourselves. It’s vital though that you not let the time period be so great that you become disconnected from each other and no longer focused on resolution. If you’ve started to develop your life as an individual, the break has been too long.
5) Temporary vs Permanent Break
A mutually agreed break with clear reasons and expectations, does not lead necessarily to a permanent end to the relationship. It just means you both want some temporary space to reflect, relax, and then regroup. Stick to the boundaries you have agreed on, and use the time to work on the goals you have set. Some couples will find the break beneficial, and it will allow them to resolve their issues and strengthen the relationship.
Others may find the time apart leads them to decide permanent separation is the best outcome for them. It’s important that you are honest with yourself and each other from the start about whether you genuinely want to resolve your issues and remain together, or you’ve already decided it’s too late.
6) One Sided Breaks
Sometimes it’s only one partner that expresses the need for a break. If your partner feels the need to press pause on the relationship, rejecting their request may just push them further away. Forcing someone to stay with you will not make either of you happy.
If one partner agrees to the break but does not really intend on using the time to work towards solidifying the relationship, the break will be useless. If one of you is not willing to reflect objectively on the issues and develop better ways of addressing your problems, permanent separation is inevitable.
7) Coming Back Together
When you reunite you should work together on addressing what’s been getting between you. As a couple you can identify more healthy ways to work through your issues in the future. Hopefully, you’ve also developed a greater appreciation for your partner. You’ll both recognize the important role the other person has in your life. This will lead you to prioritize your partner and see where things can be changed, ensuring your relationship is strengthened and continues moving forward.
In The End ....
Relationship breaks can be a healthy strategy for improving your relationship. The important thing is that you are both in agreement from the outset on the reason for the break, and the goals you want to achieve during your time apart. Given some space, time for reflection and finding positive strategies for improving your relationship, you and your partner can end up in a happier and healthier place. But, without mutual agreement, trust and hard work, your relationship may wither and not end in happily ever after.
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