How to Fix an Unhappy Relationship

Identifying What’s Making your Relationship Unhappy



The first step to fixing what ever is broken, is to figure out exactly what’s causing the problem. Take a close look at the following 10 Common Issues that adversely affect relationships. Having one present can take the shine of what you thought was “happily ever after”. Having several of these in your relationship, can cause you a great deal of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Read through the list and jot down which you think are relevant to you.

1.      Lack of Effort

After the dating and honeymoon are over, we can start to take each other for granted. Our previous focus on making ourselves desirable and interesting diminishes as we start to feel more relaxed in the safety of our relationship. We just don’t make the effort we use to, because we know our partner loves us. Long term this can come across as a lack of care for what the other thinks.

2.      No Affection or Romance

Gone are the thoughtful little gifts, and the kind gestures that let us know we’re appreciated. We can’t remember the last time we had a romantic dinner together, let alone a weekend away filled with fun and passion. Hand holding doesn’t happen anymore. Passionate kisses have become a peck on the cheek. When this happens, we can definitely start to feel something is missing in the relationship. We might feel that we’re no longer desired and, in turn, we no longer crave our partner like we did.

3.      Little Time Together

We don’t give each other the time and attention we use to. Spending time together, sharing activities, being with friends, or just relaxing together – are vitally important in a relationship. If we’ve entered into a committed partnership, we’ve chosen to spend our life with the one we love, not exchange texts about what’s happening in our life, and see each other from time to time. Consider also that some people have a greater need for time together than others. You and your partner may have different levels of need in relation to this. This can result in one of you feeling neglected by the other. 

4.      Lack of Communication

Often the communication between partners reduces gradually over time until it feels like “we just don’t talk anymore”. This decline in communication can feel like our partner just isn’t interested in us anymore. Or that they are keeping things from us. Or maybe we’ve found our conversations have become repetitive, predictable, and stuck. Without open and honest communication we drift apart, and we might try to connect with others who make us feel that we are interesting to talk to. 

There are various views on what a “happy” relationship is. It’s very subjective. But basically, each person will have their own ideal of what the relationship will be like. If your criteria are met, in theory, you will feel happy. If not … you’ll feel unhappy.

The experts will tell you that a happy relationship will include respect, honesty, open communication, a balance of power, emotional intimacy, and compromise. Sounds great! But maybe YOUR idea of a happy relationship also includes an overseas holiday every year, zero arguments, 15 children, or a partner happy for you to have friends with benefits - whatever. If you both have a different idea of what the relationship should look like, neither of you will be happy.

Perhaps then if you’re feeling unhappy, you need to look at what your expectations for the relationship are. If you find that something is absent, you could explore this further to see whether it’s still a priority. It could be that your expectations could be easily revised to improve your own happiness. What was non-negotiable before, may not be as important now because you love your partner, and they are far more important than sole possession of the remote control. An assessment can be made to decide whether you partner is more important than any of the requirements on your list that you’re not getting.

Keep in mind, changing your PARTNER is not going to make a happy relationship. You will only end up with a resentful, unhappy partner who is also questioning whether this relationship is going to survive.

Steps to Fixing an Unhappy Relationship

1.      Identify what’s causing unhappiness for you

2.      Open dialogue with your partner about what you’re feeling

3.      Create a plan together for how to move forward

If these steps feel challenging from the position you’re currently in, talk to a professional to gain some clarity. Together, with your therapist, you can develop a plan to address the unhappiness you’re currently experiencing. Sometimes just talking it through with someone can highlight the best path forward. You may gain new perspectives that help you rebuild the relationship you wanted.

In The End ....

Relationships take work – like all worthwhile things in life. Sadly, some people stay in an unhappy relationship because the prospect of being single again seems worse. But that’s like settling for “unhappy ever after”. Instead, working on your challenges together can be far less harrowing than starting all over again, or living with unhappiness.

Relationships must contain some fundamental elements like trust, respect, and honesty. If you find troubling issues arise - unhappiness can set in. How you deal with that unhappiness will determine whether your relationship grows, or dies. The best thing you can do? Talk about it. 

To find out more about Relationship Counselling click here, or go to Contact Page to make an enquiry.