(1) Past Experiences

Some of us may have been cheated on in the past.  This is hard to forget, and we may struggle to believe infidelity won’t happen again.  This will have a huge impact on our future relationships. If our trust has been repeatedly violated in a previous relationship (or in several relationships), our view of the world can change. Being suspicious about our partner’s behaviour becomes a defense mechanism. We may experience ongoing paranoid thinking as we try to protect ourselves against future threats of it happening again. 

(2) Role Models

We may have seen our close friends or parents go through cheating experiences.  If cheating is witnessed from a young age, it becomes part of our subconscious perception that relationships involve cheating.  In simple terms, this means that you’re more likely to expect cheating in your relationship if your parents cheated on each other. 

(3) Self-Esteem

Understandably, our own levels of self-esteem and confidence can cause us to worry that we are not good enough for our partner.  It’s easy to become jealous and fearful if we think our partner deserves better than us. 

Interestingly, some people with low self esteem may also be prone to being the cheat-er.  This is because they are more dependent on being liked and gaining the approval of others.  They often feel the need to seek external validation to feel better about themselves.  Consequently, having another person show interest in them, helps to boost their low self-esteem and builds their confidence – so they cheat.  Additionally, if they’re feeling insecure within their relationship, they may cheat as a way of rejecting their partner before they are rejected BY their partner.  “It’s better to abandon them before they abandon me.”  

(4) Projection

If we have cheated on a partner in the past, we will more easily develop paranoia that our partner will do the same to us.  We project our own behaviour onto them.  If we’ve cheated, we can see how easily it can happen, so we presume our partner is also capable of it. We become vigilant about seeing red flags.

(5) Relationship Health

If there are other aspects of the relationship that aren’t in a good place, we can often start to fear that our partner will want to move on from us.  If you’re both experiencing money problems, regular conflict, communication issues, rebellious kids, career changes, etc, we can sometimes get anxious that things are falling apart.  Seeing signs of cheating may just be your brain on the look out for signals of danger. 

(6) Mental Health

We seem to be bombarded with cheating on our TVs, in celebrity gossip, in books, and on our radios. So, it’s not uncommon to sometimes have concerns about our own relationships. But if you’re finding your suspicions are continually interfering, not only with your relationship, but also with your work, your physical health, your concentration, your sleep and you’re ability to enjoy life, you might want to check in with a professional.  There are a few mental health conditions that may be affecting your perception of your relationship.  For example, you may be experiencing a specific phobia to do with relationships.  Or it could be a type of anxiety or disorder like OCD.  If you are finding your fears are constant and negatively affecting your life, check with a professional for some helpful advice.